no, he came in my armpit
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
