I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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