just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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