I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
