At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
