oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
