i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
