I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
