Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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