I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
