we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
