we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We talked him into tasing himself.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
