if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
