just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
