Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
