my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
