Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
