Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
