Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
