It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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