ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
