well you can't waste a boner
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
