I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
