Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
