Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
