Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Randomize
