Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
