So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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