I got chris browned last night
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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