Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
