There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
