why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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