my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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