a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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