There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
