Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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