So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
