Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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