just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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