so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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