I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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