we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
