it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
