I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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