never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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