I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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