I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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