yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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