so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
