Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
