he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
