Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
