It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
